I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
You can't special order awesome
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
