and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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