Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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