my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
