You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
