I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
