Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Come see our sink grown plant.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
My legs feel like baby dolphins
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