is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
