How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
false alarm. still invincible.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
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