She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?"Ā¯ and "Why tacos?"
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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