you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
