We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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