chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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