i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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