also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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