oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
