Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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