hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Randomize
