I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
