theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
