i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
