Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
