ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
