Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
