Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
