Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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