I'm gonna have a badass scar
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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