i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
