Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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