Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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