i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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