May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
we made out on top of his cat.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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