I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
