Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Randomize
