In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
