dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
