i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Randomize
