Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
