I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Randomize