Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
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