put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Randomize
