No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Randomize
