I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
