Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
