I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
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She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
ok first of all what the fuck
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
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