Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
