morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
