I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
