I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
