Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
