tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
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