Girls should come with a carfax report
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
