she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
