I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
