Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
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