Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Is it because I queefed?
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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