Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
