She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
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i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize