Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
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