so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Randomize
