you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
My vagina is officially offended.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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