you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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