Pappa wants mamma naked
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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