K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Randomize
