Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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