i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
