I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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